I'm Not Funny

From April of 2013:

Me: Mom, I am making up a new blog of all the funny things you say
Mama Chan: I don't know why you would do that
Me: Because people think you're funny
Mama Chan: But I'm not. You just make me sound funny.
Me: No mom, you really are funny. I just write out exactly what you say and people think you're hilarious!
Mama Chan: Yeah well, you don't know, but sometimes I say these things on purpose.
Me: Why would you do that?
Mama Chan: I do it so I can be funny.

Cream Logic

December 2011:

The other day, Mackenzie got a really bad diaper rash. So I decided to try out this new diaper rash cream my mom got that was organic. As soon as I put it on, Mackenzie started wailing. It must've stung her really badly!

Mom: You shouldn't put that cream on her when she has a rash!
Me: But it says diaper rash cream!
Mom: Then don't put it on the rash!
Me: Then where am I supposed to put it?
Mom: Put it around the rash
Me: Then how will the rash go away?
Mom: It just will. If you put around it, it will eventually work.

So needless to say, I'm no longer using the expensive organic stuff my mom bought through the shopping channel. Back to Penaten and it worked like magic.

Everything Is White!

I almost forgot about this one! February 2013:

Bryan and I were out shopping for an hour or so leaving Mack and Bree with Mama Chan. Half way through shopping, I get a phone call from home. I turned to Bryan and said, "uh oh. Bree is probably balling her eyes out"

Me: Hello? Is everything ok?
Mama Chan: (in her VERY panicked voice) It's everywhere! It's EVERYWHERE! On the covers, on the dresser, on her bed.
Me: Calm down, what's everywhere? (Even though I had a sunken feeling I knew...)
Mama Chan: The cream! THE CREAM! It's EVERYWHERE! I don't know what to do!
Me: It's ok. What cream?
Mama Chan: The cream for her bum! It's on her head, it's all over her. It's EVERYWHERE!
Me: It's ok. We're coming home now.
Mama Chan: Yes! Come home! I'm panicking! I don't know what to do!

And this is how we found Mack when we got home:

Mama Chan: When I first walked in the room, I was so shocked! I thought, where is her hair? What happened? I screamed and Mackenzie was laughing.

I was laughing too! It took 5 scrubs and a rub of vegetable oil to get that stuff out of Mack. Thankfully, she was potty trained right after that. No more penetan incidents again!

Right Context

March 2013:

Mama Chan: Why is there still bird$hit on my car?
Me: (laughing) Mom! I don't know why you have to say that word!
Mama Chan: Why? What else am I supposed to say?
Me: I don't know! Bird poop?Mama Chan: Why can't I say bird$hit?Me: (laughing again) Because we don't swear in our house!Mama Chan: You guys are so weird!Me: But you don't even normally swear! I just know you'll say it in front of Mackenzie one day and she's gonna pick it up and say it!Mama Chan: What's wrong with that if it's in the right context?Me: What do you mean right context??Mama Chan: Well, if she comes to you and say, mom! bird$hit! That's ok because that's what it is! If she says $hit to swear then that's wrong.


So next time you see Mack and she sees poop on your car, you might just hear her say bird$hit. And don't judge my 2-year old, because according to Mama Chan, that's totally ok ;)


(PS - I have no problem with people swearing. It's just not something we do here at our house. Which is why I laughed when my mom said it, because it's so out of the ordinary for us. Please don't think I judge when you swear. I don't!)

The Vancouver What?

January 2013:

Bryan: Here's a trivia question, what is the NBA basketball team name in Vancouver until 2001?
Me: Mmmm...I don't remember...
Mama Chan: It's something Vancouver! Or Vancouver something!
Bryan: Really?!?!
Mama Chan: Yes! Really!

Bryan: Ok, think of a common mountain animal for the team name.
Me: Hmm...Vancouver Moose? Vancouver Coyote?
Bryan: No...
Mama Chan: Squirrel? Skunk? Raccoon?
Bryan: What? It's not the Vancouver Skunk!Mama Chan: Oh! We're talking about the basketball team still? I thought you said name an animal around in Vancouver.

We should start a team called the Vancouver Skunk!

Symptoms of Giving Birth?

December 2012:

Me: My original prediction was that the baby is coming tomorrow.
Mama Chan: (freaking out) What? Tomorrow? Why? Why do you think that?
Me: I don't know, that's just what I guessed originally.
Mama Chan: Do you have any symptoms? Me: Symptoms? No, last time Mack just came. There were no "symptoms".Mama Chan: Last time you had contractions before she came! Do you feel it now?Me: Mom! That is when the baby comes! When contractions happen! That's not a symptom! That's for sure when the baby comes!Mama Chan: No! Like last time you had contractions the night before and the baby didn't come til the next day!Me: (speechless)Mama Chan: Just hold your breath til New Year'sMe: Ok mom, ok.

In case you're wondering the warning signs of baby's arrival: contractions. Who knew?!

Golden Girls

December 2012:

Mama Chan: if you have another girl I think you should name her Blanche.
Bryan: Blanche????
Mama Chan: yeah it's a nice beautiful name! 
Bryan: where did that come from? 
Mama Chan: yeah like in Golden Girls. 
Bryan: which one was Blanche again? The dumb one?
Mama Chan: no that's Betty White. Blanche was the slut.


(We did end up having a girl...thankfully, we named her after Bryan instead!)

Math Whiz

September 2012:

Mama Chan: Mackenzie is like an octopus wiggling everywhere! I am exhausted!
Me: Mom, it's only been 5 minutes
Mama Chan: Well, I'm 60 times older than she is, can you believe it? 60 times?
Me: Well, next year you won't be. Next year you'll only be 30 times older.Mama Chan: No, I'll ALWAYS be 60 times older than her!Bryan: Yes, when Mackenzie is 3, you'll be 180.Mama Chan: Yes!

Twins

Mother's Day 2012

It was Mother's Day dinner tonight and this was the convo Kelly had with my mom:

Kelly: Mom, when u were younger, did u feel pain when Yi Yi (my aunt) felt pain?
Mama Chan: No, we are fraternity twins.
Kelly: Umm, it's fraternal twins mom.


Seriously, how can you not love Mama Chan?

If You're Happy And You Know It Clap Your...What?

March 2012:

My mom was on her own with Mack last night for about an hour. By the time my sister got home, my mom was so flustered. This is my mom's side of the story:

Mama Chan: I was so confused during dinner. Mackenzie was emotionless. Nothing! She just stared off into space! And I thought, oh my gosh, she's tired! So I put her to bed. It really freaked me out.
Me: What time was that?
Mama Chan: 6:20 (Mack goes to bed at 7:30)
Me: Why didn't you just finish feeding her dinner?
Mama Chan: Because she just spat everything out! She didn't want any. 
Me: Did you try singing to her? You know how she loves us to sing during dinner.
Mama Chan: I didn't know any songs?
My sister: What do you mean? You used to sing to us all the time!
Me: What about "If you're happy and you know if clap your hands"? She loves that one!
Mama Chan: I started singing that song, then I forgot the words!
Me, Bryan, and Kelly: What? How can you forget the words? There's only like 2 lines!


And that's my mom. She freaked out because Mack was "emotionless" during dinner and she forgot the lyrics to the simplest song in the world.

This is why we love Mama Chan.

Purple Nail

March 2012

My mom showed me her painted finger nail (her middle fingernail) the other day:

Me: That's a nice color. Are you going to paint the rest of your nails?
Mama Chan: No, I like to just paint one nail.
Me: Oh, that's weird. Aren't people going to ask you why you just painted one nail?
Mama Chan: Yes! And I'll say, because I want the attention!

My mom is the least attention seeking person in the world. So I think it's funny that of all the ways to get attention, she painted her one nail dark purple. What a lady!

Alphabets

This one was from February 2012:

Bryan: Are you guys ready for the coffee news trivia?
Me: Sure
Bryan: How many letters are in the Hawaiian alphabet?
Mama Chan: H-A-W-A-I-I
Me: (laughing my head off/shaking my hand furiously) No no no no no no! That's not what he meant!
Mama Chan: What? What's wrong?
Bryan: (no words - laughing so hard he's coughing)

Cheesecake...yum! Or not?

Kelly: Mom doesn't like cheesecake anymore because she found out they're made from cream cheese
Me: What? That's ridiculous. I can't even believe it. (turn to mom) Mom, do you not like cheesecake?
Mama Chan: It's like eating cream cheese, I don't like cream cheese all that much.
Me: But you liked cheesecake before! What happened?
Mama Chan: Did I like cheesecake before? No, I don't think so. I don't think I ever really liked cheesecake.

Mama Chan used to LOVE cheesecakes, but now claims she never liked them because she found out that they're made of cream cheese.

Looking After Mack

This one was from August 2011 when Mack was just over 3 months old:

The other day, I asked her if she would watch Mackenzie for an afternoon.

Mom: No, I can't.
Me: Why not?
Mom: Because when she cries, I don't know what to do. And you'll be too far away to come home quickly.
Me: So when will you ever babysit?
Mom: When she's older.
Me: What does older mean?
Mom: When she can tell me what's wrong.

Sure, I have a mom who won't babysit for us until our baby is 5 years old (ok, I'm exaggerating), but in the Nickel family, we can't get enough of her!

Silver Balls

This was from Christmas 2011:

As we were putting up our Christmas tree tonight, Kelly and Bryan started hanging silver balls to the tree. Bryan started singing:

"Silver Balls, Silver Balls, It's Christmas time, in the city..."

Mama Chan walks in the room:

"It's not Silver Balls. It's Silver Bells! The song is Silver Bells!"
Me: What? You mean it's been Silver Bells all these years and we've been singing Silver Balls?!?!?!"
Mama Chan: Yes!

Mama Chan

You asked for it, you're getting it! Our very own Mama Chan blog!

What can I tell you about Mama Chan?

I was reading through some of my facebook statuses today and found this video of when we told my family that we were expecting our first baby:

THAT'S Mama Chan :)

She's the woman who constantly sends us emails that you find in snopes (don't drink cold water because it causes cancer; if you see a bloody stroller in the middle of the field, don't go near it, it's a gang wanting to rape you...), who believes everything she reads (don't eat fish with vitamin C because it's fatal; if you have persimmons and crab at the same time, you'll die).

That's right, she's our one and only Mama Chan :)

I'll be posting some oldies but goodies on here. Hope you'll have a chance to catch up if you're new, or a refresh if you're familiar with her moments. Afterwards, tell us which one is your favorite moment so far!