I'm Not Funny

From April of 2013:

Me: Mom, I am making up a new blog of all the funny things you say
Mama Chan: I don't know why you would do that
Me: Because people think you're funny
Mama Chan: But I'm not. You just make me sound funny.
Me: No mom, you really are funny. I just write out exactly what you say and people think you're hilarious!
Mama Chan: Yeah well, you don't know, but sometimes I say these things on purpose.
Me: Why would you do that?
Mama Chan: I do it so I can be funny.

Cream Logic

December 2011:

The other day, Mackenzie got a really bad diaper rash. So I decided to try out this new diaper rash cream my mom got that was organic. As soon as I put it on, Mackenzie started wailing. It must've stung her really badly!

Mom: You shouldn't put that cream on her when she has a rash!
Me: But it says diaper rash cream!
Mom: Then don't put it on the rash!
Me: Then where am I supposed to put it?
Mom: Put it around the rash
Me: Then how will the rash go away?
Mom: It just will. If you put around it, it will eventually work.

So needless to say, I'm no longer using the expensive organic stuff my mom bought through the shopping channel. Back to Penaten and it worked like magic.

Everything Is White!

I almost forgot about this one! February 2013:

Bryan and I were out shopping for an hour or so leaving Mack and Bree with Mama Chan. Half way through shopping, I get a phone call from home. I turned to Bryan and said, "uh oh. Bree is probably balling her eyes out"

Me: Hello? Is everything ok?
Mama Chan: (in her VERY panicked voice) It's everywhere! It's EVERYWHERE! On the covers, on the dresser, on her bed.
Me: Calm down, what's everywhere? (Even though I had a sunken feeling I knew...)
Mama Chan: The cream! THE CREAM! It's EVERYWHERE! I don't know what to do!
Me: It's ok. What cream?
Mama Chan: The cream for her bum! It's on her head, it's all over her. It's EVERYWHERE!
Me: It's ok. We're coming home now.
Mama Chan: Yes! Come home! I'm panicking! I don't know what to do!

And this is how we found Mack when we got home:

Mama Chan: When I first walked in the room, I was so shocked! I thought, where is her hair? What happened? I screamed and Mackenzie was laughing.

I was laughing too! It took 5 scrubs and a rub of vegetable oil to get that stuff out of Mack. Thankfully, she was potty trained right after that. No more penetan incidents again!

Right Context

March 2013:

Mama Chan: Why is there still bird$hit on my car?
Me: (laughing) Mom! I don't know why you have to say that word!
Mama Chan: Why? What else am I supposed to say?
Me: I don't know! Bird poop?Mama Chan: Why can't I say bird$hit?Me: (laughing again) Because we don't swear in our house!Mama Chan: You guys are so weird!Me: But you don't even normally swear! I just know you'll say it in front of Mackenzie one day and she's gonna pick it up and say it!Mama Chan: What's wrong with that if it's in the right context?Me: What do you mean right context??Mama Chan: Well, if she comes to you and say, mom! bird$hit! That's ok because that's what it is! If she says $hit to swear then that's wrong.


So next time you see Mack and she sees poop on your car, you might just hear her say bird$hit. And don't judge my 2-year old, because according to Mama Chan, that's totally ok ;)


(PS - I have no problem with people swearing. It's just not something we do here at our house. Which is why I laughed when my mom said it, because it's so out of the ordinary for us. Please don't think I judge when you swear. I don't!)

The Vancouver What?

January 2013:

Bryan: Here's a trivia question, what is the NBA basketball team name in Vancouver until 2001?
Me: Mmmm...I don't remember...
Mama Chan: It's something Vancouver! Or Vancouver something!
Bryan: Really?!?!
Mama Chan: Yes! Really!

Bryan: Ok, think of a common mountain animal for the team name.
Me: Hmm...Vancouver Moose? Vancouver Coyote?
Bryan: No...
Mama Chan: Squirrel? Skunk? Raccoon?
Bryan: What? It's not the Vancouver Skunk!Mama Chan: Oh! We're talking about the basketball team still? I thought you said name an animal around in Vancouver.

We should start a team called the Vancouver Skunk!

Symptoms of Giving Birth?

December 2012:

Me: My original prediction was that the baby is coming tomorrow.
Mama Chan: (freaking out) What? Tomorrow? Why? Why do you think that?
Me: I don't know, that's just what I guessed originally.
Mama Chan: Do you have any symptoms? Me: Symptoms? No, last time Mack just came. There were no "symptoms".Mama Chan: Last time you had contractions before she came! Do you feel it now?Me: Mom! That is when the baby comes! When contractions happen! That's not a symptom! That's for sure when the baby comes!Mama Chan: No! Like last time you had contractions the night before and the baby didn't come til the next day!Me: (speechless)Mama Chan: Just hold your breath til New Year'sMe: Ok mom, ok.

In case you're wondering the warning signs of baby's arrival: contractions. Who knew?!

Golden Girls

December 2012:

Mama Chan: if you have another girl I think you should name her Blanche.
Bryan: Blanche????
Mama Chan: yeah it's a nice beautiful name! 
Bryan: where did that come from? 
Mama Chan: yeah like in Golden Girls. 
Bryan: which one was Blanche again? The dumb one?
Mama Chan: no that's Betty White. Blanche was the slut.


(We did end up having a girl...thankfully, we named her after Bryan instead!)